


Clueless

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Established Relationship, M/M, Marriage, Neck-biting, bottom!Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-27
Updated: 2012-10-27
Packaged: 2017-11-17 03:42:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/547254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen is quite the shy guy, but it infuriates him when his husband doesn’t pay attention to him. Although he loves Jared more than anyone, he doesn’t like being overlooked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clueless

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/64212.html?thread=20233172#t20233172) prompt over at spnkink-meme.

Jensen mumbles something incoherent as he wakes up, rubbing his face to stop the sun from attacking him. He rolls over to his side and opens his eyes cautiously. His first reflex is to reach out to touch his husband’s arm, but then he remembers that would be stupid and he keeps his hands to himself.

Jared’s not there anyway. Jensen sighs, well, it’s not like he expected something else. It’s not like he wanted to see Jared there, it’s not like he wanted a morning kiss, it’s not… it’s not like it’s driving him crazy Jared’s never there.

He sits up in his bed, nestling in the sheets. His eyes fall upon a small paper lying on Jared’s side of the bed. He picks it up, not really paying attention to the note. _Had to leave for work, told Marie to make you breakfast at ten_. Of course.

Jensen checks what time it is, noticing it’s just a few minutes past nine. He stumbles out of bed, heading to the bathroom. 

He just wishes Jared would be there with him.

After taking a shower, he makes his way to the kitchen. He knows he should be eating in the dining room, but he loves Marie to no end and somehow, she’s always been very easy to talk to. 

Jensen has a small handicap. He’s shy, ridiculously shy, almost anxious. He’s fine as long as he doesn’t have to talk to strangers or _act_. It takes him months to trust someone, Jared including. After their marriage happened (which was completely their parents’ fault), Jensen was blocked. Jared tried everything until he realized he needed to give Jensen more time.

After that, it was rainbows and unicorns. They found the way to each other and once they met on their paths, it was beautiful. Jensen felt naïve for falling for Jared so hard, but it happened anyway and suddenly, he couldn’t imagine living somewhere else, without his husband. He couldn’t get enough of Jared’s touches, kissing, their conversations. He finally managed to be himself completely around Jared, rambling and laughing and simply living.

And then it stopped. Jared got ridiculously busy with work and suddenly, he doesn’t have time for Jensen. 

It shouldn’t be so difficult to get his attention. At first, Jensen feels like it would take just one night and one seduction, but… he’s not capable of that. It feels like the gap they managed to push away is back again. It’s not so easy to talk to Jared anymore and it’s definitely not an easy task to act on his feelings and seduce him. Just like that.

No, Jensen would feel stupid.

In reality, all he needs is a little push. One glance would make him believe Jared all over again, one hug would make him forget. The only thing there is, though, is tension. The tension is always hovering over them like a coming storm. Jensen is always greeted by a formal conversation, or by “How was your day?”, which always sounds tired and dishonest. Jensen hates that.

“Jared left for work early again,” he announces as he gets to the kitchen and spots Marie dancing around the small table, putting a plate with doughnuts just beside the glass of milk. She’s in her mid-forties, yet she still looks like a fairy with her vintage dress on, making wonders happen in this small room. 

She turns around when she hears one of her masters and smiles sadly at Jensen. “Oh, honey. Things aren’t so shiny right now, huh?”

Jensen runs his fingers through his freshly washed hair and shakes his head. “I don’t even need ‘shiny’. I’d gladly go with ‘hasn’t been polished since the world war two’, but… It’s like there’s nothing left.”

He reluctantly makes his way over to the table, sitting down. He doesn’t even need to encourage Marie; she sits down as well, opposite him, and rests her elbows on the table.

“I’m sure you’re just reading it wrong. Communication is the key to everything, at least in marriage, and do you two actually talk?” she asks in a motherly voice and pushes the plate closer to Jensen. “Eat. There’s chocolate and endorphins always make everything better.”

“We don’t,” Jensen says as he takes one doughnut with strawberry syrup on the top and takes a bite. “But it’s because he’s never there,” he adds with his mouth full.

“That’s not true and you know it,” she says and points her forefinger at him. “You’re just too shy to start the conversation, so you just sit there and mumble an answer from time to time.”

The blush on Jensen’s face would be really cute in a different situation. “You know me, Rie. It’s just… I don’t know,” he shrugs his shoulders, “It feels like he doesn’t love me anymore, it’s like he puts up with me just so our fathers don’t make his life Hell.”

“Hush,” Marie orders sternly and leans closer to Jensen. “If anything, your husband loves you. I’ve been here for years and he did have his one-night stands and hook-ups, but _you_? He tells me to make you breakfast, but it sounds more like, _Don’t you ruin my husband’s day, make him fine breakfast, because if you don’t I’ll find you and kill you._ He loves you. You’re both just dumbasses, that’s all.”

Jensen looks smaller in his chair, almost disappearing. He looks like a little boy somewhat scared of something, yet there is a small spark in his eyes. “You think I should… You think I should do something?”

A small smirk spreads across Marie’s face as she takes the glass of milk and takes a sip. It leaves a small white moustache over her upper lip, making her look a bit ridiculous. “Yes. Man up, my lord, and everything will be fine.”

Really, Jensen thinks, Marie is still just a girl.

*

Despite Jensen’s brave plan of talking to his husband and making everything alright, they barely exchange any words during their dinner.

Jared gets home fairly soon – it is few minutes until seven when Jensen hears the door slam. He silences his urge to rush and greet him, burying himself deeper in his armchair, pretending to read a book. 

They meet at the dinner. Jared, again, asks Jensen how his day was and then… then the conversation dies.

Jensen regains his courage when they’re about to go to bed. Jared’s just in the bathroom when Jensen changes into his pajamas, leaving only the pants on. He positions himself on the bed, half sitting half lying, not bothering with the sheets. Damn, his heart is beating way too fast.

Jared’s taken aback by this view when he makes his way out of the shower. He’s drying his longish hair with a towel when he lays his eyes upon Jensen – who is already staring at him intently – and stops all his movements.

“Jen?” Jared breathes out cautiously, taking a step forward. Jensen blinks up at him, biting down on his lower lip. “Jen.”

“Yeah,” he mumbles and breaks their eye contact. He absent-mindedly caresses the sheets next to him and takes a deep breath before saying, “I miss you.”

He hears a deep sigh falling from Jared’s lips. He’s not really expecting an apology; he doesn’t even want one. He doesn’t expect words, he doesn’t expect acts, he’s just… He’s glad he was able to say that and get it off his chest. He’s quite content, to be honest – so content and okay with himself he almost doesn’t realize Jared’s gotten rid of the towel and is now joining him on the bed.

His fingers are strangely rough and warm when he cups Jensen’s cheek and brings him in for a kiss. 

From the very first second, Jensen can tell they haven’t kissed like this in weeks. He flutters his eyes closed and the more Jared imprisons him in his arms, the freer Jensen feels. 

His heart is still beating furiously, but his excitement has changed completely. They’re still simply kissing and he can already feel Jared inside of him, moving – slow and then fast and then slow again just to tease him – and it’s almost too much. He grabs Jared’s hips confidently, forgetting about everything else, and pulls him closer.

But when their crotches meet and Jensen sub-consciously grinds against his husband, Jared gives a soft moan and starts to pull away. “Jen,” he mumbles incoherently into the kiss and breaks it only seconds later, his hand still resting on Jensen’s cheek, holding him in place. 

“What,” Jensen murmurs dumbly and blushes when he realizes his lips must be shiny wet from Jared’s saliva.

“I can’t do this right now,” Jared explains and pulls away completely, sitting up on the bed carefully so he is not touching Jensen. “I have a meeting at eight am tomorrow and I need to take care of three million other things before that.”

Jensen’s face falls as Jared’s words make their way into his head. For the first few seconds, he’s pretty sure he’s just mishearing everything. But then it hits him and he freezes in his spot, wishing he could disappear. 

“Oh,” falls from his lips quietly as he shuffles on the bed so he’s as far from his husband as possible. It’s not only that he’d just completely embarrassed himself, it’s – Jared doesn’t want him. This excuse or that, it doesn’t matter. Jensen is one hundred percent sure now – Jared _doesn’t want him_.

Jared opens his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but he ends up gasping and falling silent. 

“It’s okay,” Jensen rambles quickly, switching into his talkative-when-unbearably-nervous mode. “I understand. You need to get up early. I didn’t want to bother you.” He manages to cocoon himself in the sheets within half a minute and without hesitation, he turns his back to Jared. 

A few minutes later, he feels Jared squeeze his shoulder and for a very crazy second, he thinks something is going to happen. As in, something romantic. Even more kissing, just five more minutes of that, and he would be fine. He would sneak off to the bathroom later and jerk off and it would be fine. If only Jared showed _any_ sort of affection, anything. 

But Jared doesn’t even lean closer. He just rests his hand there, and that’s it. “My boss is throwing a party tomorrow,” he says in a low voice, “I want you to be there. Is that okay?”

Jensen nods quickly. “Sure,” he says, tearing up. He must have hidden that, though, because Jared pulls away and turns off the lights.

Of course. It’s a business party, so he’s got to be there to make Jared look like a gentleman with a family. That’s all he’s become, he knows – just a person to show up with in public. There’s nothing more to them. Or is there…?

*

The next night, five beers and three vodkas later, Jensen is convinced there isn’t.

He’s never really been the type who gets drunk every other week – actually, he’s only ever gotten to being a bit tipsy – but as it turns out, alcohol _is_ the answer to all your problems.

He’s married? Okay. His husband doesn’t love him anymore? Okay. So how about he throws his shy self away and enjoys the party? Yes, okay. Sounds like the best plan in the world.

Around ten, he lets a tall guy in jeans and a blue t-shirt get him a drink and five minutes later, they own the dance floor. Jensen’s not quite sure when it happened, but a few moments later, there’s another guy pressing against him from behind, dancing. And honestly, he doesn’t even mind.

He’s basically sure this is the most fun he’s ever had.

He’s shamelessly grinding against the guy-in-front-of-him’s ass, his hand in an awkward angle resting on the guy-behind-him’s hip. He’s sweaty, he’s drunk, he’s trying to forget about everything.

That part is working out admiringly nicely until there are strong fingers wrapping around his wrist, dragging him away from his partners.

“Hey, man, lemme go! I’ve somethin’ going on here,” he protests and shakes off the guy-who-had-dragged-him-away’s hand, looking up. It makes him giggle really hard when he realizes it’s Jared – Jared, the husband – glaring down at him. “Hi.”

“What the… What are you doing?”

“I’m havin’ fun,” he exclaims waving his hands around. He huffs out a high-pitched laugh and throws himself at Jared, wrapping his arms around his neck. “So. How ‘bout we dance? Like, I know, you don’t like me anymore and yeah, but, I like dancin’, so.”

Jared frowns and if glares could kill, Jensen would fall to the floor dead right now. “What?” he growls low in his throat and grabs Jensen’s shoulders, pushing him away. “We’re going home. Now.”

Unfortunately, Jensen isn’t as drunk as he’d supposed he was. He sobers up during their way home, but he manages to keep a poker face. But on the inside? God, he hates himself so much and he feels so guilty he actually feels like banging his head against the wall. 

They don’t talk at all, which really isn’t surprising. Jensen remembers everything in sick, painful details. He remembers that guy’s ass and realizing he didn’t even get his name makes him cringe. _God._

He knows he should probably say sorry, but then he remembers what he’d told Jared and the fact Jared didn’t say anything to it… Well, that makes him reconsider his apology. Why should he apologize? If anything, they _both_ should apologize. 

The silence between them transforms into anger surprisingly quickly. Jensen basically marches into their bedroom and he heads to the bathroom when Jared catches his elbow, twists it dangerously to stop him and says, “We’re talking.”

Jensen seriously wants to run away. He doesn’t feel like talking about anything at all, let alone talking about how he’d just flirted with two random dudes – which is something he would never even consider doing… usually. 

He jerks his arm and Jared lets go of it, taking a step back. “So what,” Jensen snaps. It’s probably still leftovers of the alcohol in his system, because he doesn’t even think before speaking and he does not care whether he will embarrass himself or not. If Jared wants to talk, well, then Jensen is going to fight. “So I flirted with two guys who actually paid attention to me. Is that really so surprising?”

Jared makes a disgusted face at that, shaking his head. “What the hell are you even talking about, Jen?”

That’s just… that’s just outrageous. “Seriously? Are you seriously asking me this? The only time you actually ask me to spend some time with you is when you need to show up in public. You’re never there anymore, you’re as distant as when we got married and it’s – what the hell am I supposed to do with that?”

“What?” Jared blurts out, obviously surprised. “ _I am_ not there anymore? You stopped talking to me, you always keep your distance and I can’t –“

“Like yesterday, huh?” Jensen cuts him off. “I was lying there like a damned _slut_ and you told me you couldn’t do it. What the hell does one make out of that?”

“Damn, Jen!” Jared raises his voice and runs his fingers through his hair as if he needed to do _something_. “I had to get some sleep, I had an important meeting this morning!”

“You always do, don’t you?” Jensen snaps like he knows he’s lost this one and even though it surprises him, he doesn’t even think of breaking the eye contact now. “You always have an important meeting or something that’ll keep you away from me.”

The anger in Jared’s attitude is gone as quickly as it first appeared. Even his features soften. “You don’t actually think I don’t like – that I don’t love you anymore, right?”

And Jensen does break eye contact at that, because he can’t put up with this. He wishes he could lie, but – yes, yes, he thinks exactly that. What else is he supposed to assume? It’s the only thing that makes sense, it’s the only explanation he could ever find no matter how much he hated it.

Jared’s cupping Jensen’s cheek again, then, as if it was the gentlest gesture he was capable of. “Listen to me,” he says and Jensen unwillingly looks up again. “You are what matters to me. If I work hard, it’s because I want you to be happy with me, because I want you to have the best life I can provide you. It’s not because I’m trying to run away.”

“Jesus, Jared, I would be happy with you even if we lived in a cottage,” Jensen murmurs and Jared laughs quietly, pressing a soft kiss onto Jensen’s forehead.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, I swear to God I didn’t mean to,” he murmurs and yeah, that obviously must be a hard thing to do for Jared – he’s kind of the guy who doesn’t like saying sorry, at all.

So this is Jensen’s chance. Either he fixes it or he ruins it all over again. For a moment, he’s not perfectly capable of talking, as if he was unsure of what to do next, but then he leans against Jared’s palm and murmurs, “Me too. It’s a shitty excuse, but I was desperate.”

Jared doesn’t say anything to it – in a few seconds, it’s all forgotten anyways. It’s like the past few weeks never even happened, because Jared’s lips taste as sweet as they did before, and his hands are the same size, and his skin feels the same when it rubs against Jensen’s. 

And Jared fits perfectly between Jensen’s spread legs, and the burn is actually way too pleasurable. 

It’s only then that Jared grabs Jensen’s wrists and brings them up above Jensen’s head, squeezing and demanding. “I thought I was going to kill them both,” he mumbles as he thrusts, making Jensen arch his back a little. “I was going mad, oh, fuck.”

“Yeah?” Jensen encourages him and digs his heels into Jared’s lower back, making him bury his dick in him even deeper. 

“Fuck, yeah,” Jared moans and lowers his head, his lips brushing against the skin on Jensen’s neck. “Because you’re _mine_. No one – oh, fuck – no one else’s.”

Jensen doesn’t really have an answer for that – especially after Jared buries his teeth in the skin on Jensen’s neck, sucking on it mercilessly, making Jensen whimper. If this is his punishment for giving up and for flirting with others – well, then he is completely fine with that. 

His fingers are slipping down Jared’s back just minutes later, sweaty and shaking. Jensen finally feels complete, however sappy that sounds. 

Even after everything’s done, though, there’s some sort of tension. Neither of them knows what they’re supposed to do with it, but as they’re lying there in an awkward hug, it’s Jared who breaks the silence in the end.

“So,” he trails off, “If you ever feel like I’m not paying attention, just tell me, okay? Sometimes, I just lose it without realizing.”

Jensen rolls onto his stomach and holds himself up on his elbows, smirking. “I’ll try, but I can’t promise you anything,” he says jokingly, glad he’s able to actually speak up around Jared again. He even leans closer and places a small kiss on top of Jared’s nose, giggling.

“God,” Jared’s face scrunches up as he pretends to pull away. “You still smell like booze. Don’t you dare to kiss me now.”

“Bullshit,” Jensen acclaims, laughing. “You didn’t mind just minutes ago, if I recall correctly,” he adds and attacks Jared’s mouth without a warning.


End file.
